We've all seen them; the *InsertNumberHere* Things Guys/Girls Should Know lists. But I don't think I've ever come across one so, well, sexist. I'm all about equality, and while I secretly love loosing fights over who's going to pay, I also appreciate my boyfriend admitting it would be nice if I picked up the tab when I persistently offer to. So I went through this list and edited the parts that did not sit well with me: Strikeouts are bullshit and don't apply to my life and italics are my thoughts on/edits to what was originally written.
Feel free to drop a comment and argue/agree/question/etc. my new list. :)
---------

( Wow, the chic who wrote this was a diva and had some serious beef with men... )

Gah, I've been crazy busy with the end of the semester approaching. I'll be reuploading all my Disney music soon, along with a ton of new Disney tracks I've collected since my last post. Need to get back to 10 page essay, so here's a Disney meme:

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Belle Dancing furniture, singing spoons, and a man who needs a serious haircut - sound familiar? Well it should! Belle was a very independent spirit with alot on her mind, much like you are! But in life, there is a needed balance - learn when to speak your mind, and when to hold it back. Sometimes offending someone isn't the best way to go! Belle 79% Violet 79% Ariel 79% Pocahontas 79% Jane 75% Snow White 71% Mulan 71% Alice 67% Esmerelda 67% Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) 67% Tinkerbell 63% Jasmine 63% Cinderella 58% Megara 50%

PS: It's ALWAYS a toss up between Belle and Ariel for me. :P

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
By Charles C. Finn

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.




( text )

Cuz I'm having one now... for a fic I started reading 2+ years ago. >.< I can't seem to find traces of it on any of the usual haunts, and I'm starting to worry the author deleted it. D:

Not that I expect any one here to know it, but it was a Saiyuki fic pairing Gojyo and Goku, with Gojyo essentially teaching Goku how sex works. They had ended up together since the other boys were already paired off, and sex staved off the loneliness (I believe). And I think they were starting to fall for each other the last I read. And Gojyo made Goku buy the condoms, stating if the monkey couldn't handle buying the condoms- he was not ready for sex. (Very wise words).
Anyhow, I'm all of a sudden nostalgic for the fic and curious to see if it was ever completed. I'm half tempted to assault some Saiyuki fic groups and ask if anyone knows what I'm talking about, and has a current status report/link to the fanfic.

Also, it should be noted that Descendants of Darkness/Yami no Matsuei is sadly lacking in good/new fanfiction. Not cool guys, not cool. D:

Hello everyone! Last time I posted my file list, I seemed to have no time to upload the songs commenters wanted. ~_~;; Out of guilt, I’ve uploaded (almost) my entire Disney music collection onto sendspace for everyone. If sendspace is bad for any, please let me know and I can upload my songs to a second server as well—though please list a max. of 30 requests for this, please. ^^;;

Also, inevitably the files will die. Someone comment when that happens, and I will try to re-upload everything if time allows. I hope to be able to do this at least once a month, so long as people keep downloading. So, please, drop a comment if you plan on snatching stuffs—a simple “stealing stuff” or “yay” or whatever is fine, I’d just like to know how long the interest in this system keeps up. ^^;;

And, yes, I know Anastasia isn’t Disney but Disney fans seem to enjoy the soundtrack, so I threw it in as well.

Lastly, if you feel compelled to share/offer up songs/whatever, (no obligation to, I’m just saying) I am particularly interested in any versions of The Little Mermaid songs I don’t already have. ^^

Enjoy everyone!
Megan Anne

*cross-posted like crazy

( 500+ Songs To Download!!  )

Tonight on Playbill Radio, in honor of it being Opening Night of The Little Mermaid Broadway Musical tonight, the entire Little Mermaid Musical Soundtrack is playing-- WHICH IS AMAZING!!!!! I only have the worktape version of the musical, and the official Original Cast Recording isn't due out until February 26th. I am LOVING the music!!!

I think my favorite song (so far; I haven't even gotten halfway through the musical yet XD) is "She's In Love". ^_^ It's so upbeat and the sisters have phenomenal harmony and portray the 6 sisters so well-- you can tell who's who, since they all have distinct voices. GAH! I can't gush enough about it.

Okay time to finish listening to the musical now. <3

I have spent the last few days drooling over lolita clothing. How could I not?? It's so adorable! I desperately want to purchase more lolita items for my wardrobe. D:

Give up fanfics???? HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:

Sex Poll (I Dare You!)

NOTE: Comments screened to protect you from shame.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Favorite position:
4. Do you think I'm cute?
5. Would you have sex with me?
6. lights on or off?
7. Would you have to be drunk?
8. Would you take a shower with me?
9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me?
10. Would you leave after or stay the night?
11. Do you like cuddling afterwards?
12. Condom or skin?
13. Have sex on the first date?
14. Would you kiss me during sex?
15. Do you think I would be good in bed?
16. Would you use me as a booty call?
17. Can I use you as a booty call?
18. Can we take pictures of the act?
19. How long would we have sex?
20. Would you tell your friends about me?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
22. Can I un-screen your entry if it's cute/funny?

My good Friend Shannon discussed weight issues in her journal entry today and after reading her post, I felt the need to comment. But knowing me, my comment was going to end up in an epic rant. So I skipped the middle man and started out with my own blog entry. :P

As some of you may know, I have been having a very difficult time these past few months. After an emotional break down, I currently have very little self-confidence and almost no sense of self-worth. This is an issue I've dealt with for years; I have my good months and my bad months, but I seem unable to kick this habit completely. And during bad months, like this one, this fact depresses me more-so and only worsens the way I feel towards myself. But what Shannon said is absolutely true: "WE ALL HAVE IMAGE ISSUES AND DIFFICULTIES AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIVES." And after reading this, I felt a bit better. Because while I logically understand this fact, emotionally I deny it and hate on myself even more.

While I definitely feel far more comfortable in my own skin than I previously have, I still have a hard time convincing myself I am beautiful. Which I find ironic, because some of the people I admire most, and many of the people I find most attractive/beautiful are "larger". And I am envious of how comfortable they are with themselves. Like Shannon-- she does belly dancing and wears cute, revealing clothing whenever I see her. Or Sailor Bubba (don't you dare laugh), who's a man of at least 300 lbs that dresses up as Sailor Moon; hell he even wore a bikini one year-- now tell me that man isn't comfortable with his own body! Or Mason, my chunky little gay boy who is now being physically harassed for wearing skirts he looked adorable in. Or Mike, my first love who looked nothing like a male model. Or Kirstin or Ana or Aiden-- three of the hottest women I know, who are all plump and unconventionally beautiful with their "boyish" haircuts. Or Mo'nique. Or Taharah. ...I could go on all day!

I guess why I wrote this blog was to convince myself I am Beautiful. I am valuable, and intelligent, and am worthy of love. I should be able to wear what I feel attractive in, regardless of whether I "have the body for it" or not. I deserve someone who understands this and embraces it. And as for those who don't see how wonderful I am, they are neither worth my time nor the energy I have previously put towards appeasing them.

I herby declare today as "All Women Are Beautiful" Day, and I will celebrate it thusly-- by wearing what I feel fantastic in and loving myself for that. I encourage all women to participate and do something today that makes you feel undeniably beautiful, and sexy, and wonderful. Because you are. WE are. And don't ever forget that. <3

...Guess who's leaving for New York in an hour? >:D

Oh baby. Never been so spontaneous in my life. I'm excited. See you all Monday (early) morning when I get back. :D

So, my good friend Megami posted a thread regarding homosexual pairings in Avatar in her journal earlier, and I just had to respond. I started out writing a comment and realized I had too much to say, and thus this entry was born.

Quick recap for those too lazy to click the link and read:
A person posted a thread commenting on how they noticed "odd pairings like homosexual pairing have become common" and asks the community "what do you think about [these] pairings". My favorite part is when they say "do you think they are an insult to the show" and "do you like that this tyoe of pairings exist in avatar fan fic world, or they should be doomed to the flames?". Um, excuse me?
From there, my buddy Megami made great points which you really should read, because she is awesome-sauce.

Now I agree with her for the remainder of this post, rambling on with examples from my life, fandoms, and history.( Read on if you dare >:D )

I'm in love. And I hate it. Love is bittersweet, but this love is far too bitter. I've never stopped loving my Ex, which is why I haven't dated since. And now he's back. He IMed me out of the blue and I've let him back into my life. But I still love him. More than anything. But I shouldn't. Because while he says he has always loved me, he now has a two-month old son. He doesn't love the mother, but wants his son to have a "real" family. And is considering proposing to the mother.
But I love him. And he knows that. But I don't want him to change his life for me. Because I'm not ready for such commitment and a child. I'm only 18. But I love him. And want him as part of my life more than anything. ...Well, almost anything. What I want most is to be a mother. But not for a while. So I can't go back to him. Even though I want to. Because I'm too far away. And because I'm too young. And because he needs his son in his life more than anything. And because I'm not strong enough yet. And that's why he broke up with me-- because I was too weak and dependent and hurting myself.
But I love him. I always have. And always will. He was my first-- first love, first boyfriend, first time... And I'm not over him. Dunno if I'll ever be. Because I can honestly say I can't picture myself falling in love again. And that idea doesn't scare me. I can adopt. But then I'll never get to be a Stay-at-Home-Mom... But I'll make it work.
But I'm too young to think like this. And too young to have fallen so hard. But I have. I'm in love. Head over heels in love. And I don't want this feeling to stop. Ever.

Comment and I'll pick seven of your icons, and then you will explain why you love/are using the icon (who doesn't love talking about their icons, seriously) and then post your explanation/this meme in your journal for other people to squee about their icons, and basically it will be a huge squee fest of love and 100x100 square pixels.

1. Colbert Sex Face
Stephen Colbert is my man-crush-- he's hilarious and adorable. *squee* I use this icon whenever anything blows my mind with it's awesomeness. Oh, and for fangasms.

2. Spirited away dust thingies
Gah! Those things are TOO CUTE! *glomps* This icon is generally used to show I'm crazy busy, but occasionally just thrown out their cuz they're too adorable to resist.

3. Naruto Hump
I have it cuz Naruto's humping the air. Humping is always fun. XD

4. Ninja Ninja Duck
I added this because it amuses me. Because Sasuke DOES have a ducktail hairstyle. And cuz Sasuke is whiny and annoying and makes a bad ninja. But mostly because this icon is humorous. Yay for the llama song!

5. Jiraya perv
I have this icon because I'm a total perv, and occasionally like to show this in visual form. :P

6. YNM-wtf
I adore Yami no Matsuei, so I needed to have an icon of it. Tsuzuki's reactions are so much fun, he was the natural choice. Plus, everyone needs a wtf icon. <3

7. Uke attack!
Have this one because I still love Gravi, and because I am SO an uke. XD I like to use this icon when the underdog's winning, or I'm expressing a win. ...Or just to be random. Probably mostly random.

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while. Since I was't tagged, but needed to remember happy things for my own mental sanity, I won't *force* anyone to do this. But anyone who does, let me know and I'll read your list too. ^^

1. My downloads for the subbed Bleach Musicals finishing. *obsessobsessobsess*
2. I'm being trained to be an Ameth Elder.
3. Reese Peanut Butter Cups. Yummay.
4. Jae and I will room together next semster.
5. Belegarth even in IN next Saturday.
6. American Government teacher letting me make up missing assignments.
7. Ryan and I are going to do something together over Spring Break.
8. Thanksgivings coming, so I'll see Shauna and Alyssa again.
9. I'm going to learn to build my own shield.
10. I'm not failing Disabilities in the Context of Education and the Lifespan...

Oh god. I cannot stop watching the Bleach musicals. I AM OBSESSED. GAHHHHHHHH~!
I NEED MORE BIRUMYU!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE~~~~~! *cannot download fast enough* :O